You know your kitty is nearing the end, but you can’t let them go. How do you let go of the being that you love so much? How do you break the sacred trust they have given you to love and protect them? You are stuck as they decline, so guilty at their pain, so terrified of losing them—when is it time to say goodbye to your feline friend?
You should look objectively at your furry companions’ quality of life and put their needs first. Your feline family member relies on you to decide to end their suffering and allow them to pass on with dignity. Put your feelings of loss aside and ask your vet for their objective advice regarding euthanasia.
I won’t lie; putting your best friend down is a trauma that I can never articulate without tears. However, you must put your emotions aside and decide to say goodbye to your beloved companion. Here is some hard-won advice from a human who has experienced this heartbreaking process several times.
Contents
- How Do You When It’s Time To Say Goodbye to Your Maine Coon?
- When To Say Goodbye to Your Feline Family Member
- The Euthanasia Process Explained
- Should I Put My Cat Down at Home or at the Vet?
- Final Arrangements for Your Cat: Cremation vs. Burial
- How To Cope With the Loss of Your Precious Cat
- Closing Thoughts
How Do You When It’s Time To Say Goodbye to Your Maine Coon?
Your cat is your partner in crime and your best friend. Every morning for years, you have woken up to their paw against your cheek or a fishy face against yours. Always about an hour before you need to get up, and no weekend sleep-ins!
You’ve spent countless hours cuddled on the sofa, watching reruns and fighting for blankets on cold nights. They are a familiar weight on your legs when you try to turn over at night. They are waiting for you when you get home, tangling around your ankles when you try to bring in the shopping.
You’ve cried into their soft fur many times over the years and felt their warm bodies against yours, the velvet of their fur. That rumbling purr that travels through your skin right to your heart. How they look into your eyes with a slow blink, and you know how pure love looks and feels.
How on this God’s green earth do you say goodbye to someone you love so much?
When To Say Goodbye to Your Feline Family Member
Your kitty has a right to dignity, just like any human. They have a right to be free from pain and end their suffering. As their human carer, it is up to you to put your kitty’s needs first. They are so brave that you can almost fool yourself that those rare good days are enough—but are you putting your needs first?
Your beloved cat can’t make the decision to end their lives. Now is the time to be brave and do what needs to be done. Far from a betrayal, it is the ultimate gesture of love to your fur baby to let them go.
The Deciding Vote: Your Cat’s Quality of Life
Small Door Vet created a helpful assessment for determining if your companion may be ready for their last vet visit. I have adapted the chart to be more in keeping with feline behavior, as their chart also refers to canine companions.
| Is Your Maine Coon Eating? | Score |
| Eating and drinking normally | 0 |
| Eating poorly or need assistance or toppers to entice them to eat | 1 |
| Not eating at all | 2 |
| How is Your Cat Behaving/Sociability | Score |
| Bright and energetic, relating normally to family and other pets | 0 |
| Your cat and not interacting with others as much, change of usual behavior or aggression | 1 |
| Your cat is withdrawn and does not react to family or other pets | 2 |
| How Mobile is Your Maine Coon? | Score |
| They get around fine on their own | 0 |
| Your cat is struggling to get upstairs and has difficulty in litter box use | 1 |
| Your cat is often immobile and often has accidents in the house or soils themselves | 2 |
| How Much Pan Is Your Cat Feeling? | Score |
| Your cat is pain-free/comfortable | 0 |
| Your cat is in some pain/discomfort. They are less mobile and pant more | 1 |
| Appears in pain, increased sensitivity to touch, often immobile, vacant stare, panting | 2 |
| Does Your Cat Still Enjoy Life? | Score |
| Shows an interest in their favorite toys, interacts | 0 |
| Shows less enthusiasm for their favorite things | 1 |
| Your cat shows no interest in the things they used to love | 2 |
| Total Score | X |
| Scoring Results Total | Quality of Life |
| Less Than 5 | Your kitty still has a good quality of life |
| 6 to 8 Total Score | Your cat’s quality of life has diminished, and you should seek a vet’s opinion on making them more comfortable |
| 9-12 | Your cat has a poor quality of life. They are most likely suffering, and you should speak to your vet about preparing your cat for euthanasia |
If your cat has good and bad days, you should keep a daily record for a week or two. If the bad days outnumber the good days, it may be time to consider ending your Maine Coon’s suffering.
Signs of Sudden Decline
Your Maine Coon may be suffering from a long-term illness without much change besides the gradual weight and energy loss associated with illness. Then, you may notice a sudden, heartbreaking decline as your kitty nears the end of her days. You will likely notice the following changes:
- Loss of appetite and weight loss
- Lethargy and painful movements
- Changes in sociability and interactions
- Toileting accidents
- Hiding behaviors and withdrawal
- Panting and bad breath
- Lack of grooming and dulled fur
Put Your Maine Coons Needs First
Psychological studies of human bereavement during pet loss often find guilt is an overwhelming feeling of cat carers facing the decision to euthanize their feline companion. You might feel that you are breaking the love and trust your faithful friend has given you over the years by taking their lives.
However hard it is to face a world without your beloved Maine Coon, you need to ask yourself if keeping them alive is for you or them. Your cat can’t decide to end their pain and suffering, but you can. Think of it as the ultimate gift of love you can give your friend—to let them go.
Cats suffer significant stress when they can’t groom themselves and soil themselves due to old age or disease. A world where you have only pain and misery is a cruel place to be—even more so when your closest human companion looks on and does nothing.
The Euthanasia Process Explained
Euthanasia comes from the Greek word for “good death,” which is a positive way to look at the process. As much as you will miss your friend, seek solace in the fact that soon they will be free from any pain or infirmity and will finally be at peace.
1. Before the Vet Visit
Settle your payments and cremation requests before you make your last appointment. You will not be in the emotional state to deal with figures or fiddly papers when your heart is breaking all over the place. You will be in a better space to arrange all your particulars before the day of saying goodbye to your kitty.
2. The Vets Room: Preparation
Your vet will be in the room, along with a nurse or assistant, to carry out the euthanasia procedure. The assistant is typically there to help the vet raise the vein for the euthanasia injection.
Your vet will place your kitty on the examining table. Bringing a soft, familiar blanket in your carrier, and one you are willing to leave behind with your cat is a good idea. Due to the need for intravenous injections, you will often not get the chance to hold your kitty in your arms, but you can stroke your friend gently and place your hands against their bodies during the process.
3. Sedation Injection
Your vet will first administer a sedative via a pain-free injection of benzodiazepines with phenothiazines, which causes your kitty to fall asleep gently. Pet experts call this process the Blessed Sleep due to the calming and pain-free state that it allows your cat to experience.
Your vet will typically inject your kitty’s back leg or an injection under the skin. The deep sedation removes fear and anxiety as well as pain and places your cat in a state of calm restfulness.
4. Shaving the Injection Site and Inserting the IV Cannula
Intravenous cannulas is a fancy term for an IV catheter; the tube creates a pathway through the bloodstream to administer the pentobarbital injection. They typically shave the catheter area to ensure they find the correct vein to administer the injection.
They will then clean the area with a cotton swab, insert the cannula into the vein, and secure the site with tape. They will then fill a port over the end of the cannula, ready for the injection.
5. The Euthanasia Injection
The fluid in the injection is called pentobarbital, which is a barbiturate anesthetic. It is a central nervous system depressant drug that, in high enough doses, painlessly shuts down your pet’s brain and heart activity.
Your vet will ask if you are ready and allow you to hold your kitty’s head or paw or place your hands on their precious bodies as they administer the injection.
After the injection, your cat will fall into unconsciousness, and their heart and breathing will slow and then cease altogether. It typically takes under a minute for your kitty to pass on.
6. After the Injection
Your vet will keep an ear on your kitty’s heart and let you know when they have passed away.
Your pet may twitch or gasp after they pass away, but don’t be worried. These are natural bodily reflexes that occur after death. Your kitty may void their bladder, or bowels may empty simultaneously, which is also a natural part of the death process.
Unfortunately, your kitty’s eyes will stay open after they pass, and you may see a cloud covering up their pupils. This response, too, is natural, and they are no longer experiencing all the aches and pains associated with their illness and age; they are finally free.
Your vet typically will leave you alone with your pet to say your final goodbyes. Your kitty will still be warm and look as though they are sleeping. Often, this is a good time to tell them what a dear friend they have been and how you will treasure them for the rest of your life.
7. What’s Next?
You will have arranged your wishes for your cat’s remains before the visit so you can get to a space where you can properly let go of all the emotions you are feeling. Have someone to drive you home and take the back seat for some privacy. Once you get home, choose a quiet space to let go of all the pent-up grief you have endured through the euthanasia process.
What Will Your Maine Coon Feel in the Process?
The pre-euthanasia sedation and the injection of phenobarbital will drift your kitty into unconsciousness, and within minutes, they will pass on without knowing a thing. Their last memories will be of you touching them and speaking words of love as they slip out or awareness of a place of eternal rest.
The transition from sedated sleep to death is often so smooth that you will not be able to tell the difference between them. Neither will your precious friend beside you.
Will My Maine Coon Know They Are Dying?
People often feel as if their animal companions are aware of their impending death when they take them in for their final vet visit. However, your pet does not know what is happening (after all, they returned from every other vet visit!)
Often, your cat may pick up on your emotional state and react with anxiety, but it is not the anxiety of passing away but merely a reflection of the emotional bond you share.
Should I Put My Cat Down at Home or at the Vet?
If you can afford the extra cost of a house call, always choose to put your kitty down at home. Territory and place are crucial to the feline mind, and feeling safe can help ease the procedure without the anxiety of travel and the much-hated vet’s rooms.
Letting a vet come to you also allows you to be free of prying eyes and the feeling of vulnerability.
How To Make a Perfect Send-Off at Home
Ensure the lights are dim and your home is free from noise and activity. You may opt for soft classical music that cats enjoy. You can surround your kitty with their favorite toys and blankies and let them lie on their best snooze spot with you close at hand.
Ensure you have pet pads underneath your kitty to avoid the natural soiling reflex after they pass away.
Final Arrangements for Your Cat: Cremation vs. Burial
Your vet will give you the option of how you wish to deal with your Maine Coons remains. The two options for your beloved kitty’s mortal remains are either burial or cremation. Each person has different and personal views on how to honor their loved ones who pass away—it is no different with our fur family. Let’s explore the two most common avenues.
The Cremation Process
Cremation is when a pet mortician exposes your pet’s remains to intense flame and heat and reduces their remains into a basic mineral form. Although people commonly refer to these minerals as ashes, the remains are primarily small bone fragments.
You will have the following options with cremation:
Individual or Personal Cremation
You may opt for individual cremation, where the mortician will cremate your pet alone, so you are sure that your urn or container only contains your cat’s ashes. The process is more costly as you will pay for the extra energy necessary for a single cremation.
Your pet cremation services offer a variety of ash containers or urns that are either sealed or lidded. Lidded urns allow you to scatter your friend’s remains where you chose or bury the urn with loved ones in a memorial service.
Communal Cremation
In a communal cremation, the pet mortician will reduce your cat’s remains to ashes with several other pets who have passed on. Most pet cremation services will not return the ashes to the bereaved, as they may contain mixed traces of several different remains.
However, many services offer respectful and thoughtful dispersal of the communal remains, such as scattering the ashes at sea, such as Paws into Grace.
Burial
If you plan to bury your pet at home, consider whether you have a fixed abode and the logistics behind a pet burial. Some human cat families prefer to feel their beloved pets are nearby or at a site they can visit and pay their respects to their loved ones.
Having experienced a home burial for one of my fur babies, I do not recommend the process. Dealing with the body of your friend and rigor mortis and the whole process was deeply disturbing to me. Despite having their body nearby, I recommend individual ashes as the least painful way to handle your companion’s remains.
Is It Legal To Bury Your Maine Coon at Home?
If you bury your cat at home, first ensure you check your local state laws regarding the interment of pet remains. Typically, state bylaws will dictate the necessary depth of the burial site and restrictions regarding a safe distance from bodies of water.
Ensure you bury your kitty in a biodegradable container deep enough to avoid complications with other pets. You can opt to order a grave marker or create your own.
How To Cope With the Loss of Your Precious Cat
Don’t Feel Alone in Your Grief
Our pets give us unconditional love, which we often lack in daily interactions with human connections. We need not put our guards up around our furry companions; thus, the bond may be deeper—uncomplicated by the betrayals and inconsistencies of our close humans.
People bond deeply with their companion animals, often experiencing the equivalent of grief to losing a spouse or close family member—or even more so. Grieving our animal companions is further complicated by the fact that our grief is not socially supported or acknowledged as deeply experienced as human loss.
Psychologists call this disenfranchised grief, where we often find ourselves adrift in our workplaces and society who do not recognize the depth of our grief.
When we rely on our companion cats for emotional support during hard times, when they pass away, we lose that support all of a sudden and permanently. We lose part of our coping resources, which we cannot replace, just like we cannot replace a close friend.
Experts suggest that our mourning is further complicated by the guilt that we feel for the loss of our companions, particularly by accident or the decision to euthanize their beloved companion.
This feeling of guilt further complicates the grieving process and may lead to what is called DSM-5 Prolonged Grief Disorder. Experts usually apply this label to humans who experience prolonged and consuming grief after losing a significant family member.
However, clinical studies show that humans can experience this same emotional state when saying goodbye to a treasured animal companion. These complicated grief include the symptoms many of us experience after losing a loved companion animal, such as:
- Depression
- Feelings of loneliness
- Sleep disturbance
- Emotional pain
- Difficulties moving on
- Numbness
- A sense that life is meaningless
Esther M. C. Bouma and colleagues sampled over 1800 cat owners in a lengthy questionnaire about the cat-human bond and found that only 14% of the respondents considered their cat a “pet.” Half the owners considered their kitty “part of their family,” and over 25% thought of their cat as their “child.”
Another study published in the Western Journal of Nursing found that most of their test subjects would choose to give their pets life-saving medication before the members of their own family.
An American Hospital Association study showed that a staggering 48% of almost 200 female pet owners reported that they relied more heavily on their pet companions than their family members and partners.
The studies suggest what we cat lovers already know: there is no such thing as “just a cat.” These bonds are as deep—deeper even than almost all human connections.
Coming to Terms With Your Loss
Accept Your Grief Is Valid
Spend time with animal lovers such as yourself who understand the profound and life-changing loss you are experiencing. Join pet bereavement groups online for a chance to post photos and share with other people about the joy and bond you and your Maine Coon shared.
Understand that your feelings of guilt are a normal part of grief, and although they are not rational, they are valid feelings that you need to work through.
Your Grief Will Lessen Over Time
Although you may carry the loss for the rest of your life, the immediate pain will pass over time. I love the lines from the movie Rabbit Hole.
One character explains to the other that grief is like a heavy boulder that you eventually crawl out from under. Then your grief becomes a stone you carry in your pocket out of choice because you never want to let your loved one’s memory go. Despite the pain.
Consider Saving a Life: Adopt Another Cat Companion
The last thing you want to consider is another feline companion when grieving for your beloved friend. But after some time has passed, consider giving an abandoned kitty a chance at life. Don’t think of it as replacing your loved kitty, as that is impossible. Think of it as honoring the memory of your lost friend by giving a cat a chance at life in their memory.
If it feels too much or too soon to get another cat, you can volunteer your time at a rescue shelter in memory of your feline BFF.
Closing Thoughts
I feel sorry for humans who have not experienced the mighty and life-changing love between a cat and their chosen human. The bonds reach deep, beyond the protective walls that keep us safe from other people’s ability to harm us—deeper even than some close human relationships.
Sometimes, our ultimate gift of love is to allow our beloved cats to pass on gracefully and continue to love them in our hearts.
